i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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