he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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