she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
