My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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