My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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