I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
