I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
