Jerry, you need to find god
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
