i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
