My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize