i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
