We won't sleep together?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
