Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
