I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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