I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
