My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
