Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
