So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
