woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
