what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
