so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
