So drunk its hurt
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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