I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
