I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
