OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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