Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
