Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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