Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
