We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
