There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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