Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
