bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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