do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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