I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
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Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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