apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
this hospital has no fireball
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize