going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
