i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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