so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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