I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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