It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
