i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
