Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
