College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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