Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
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My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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