Sorry, I don't speak sober.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
