the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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