Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
