I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
