when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We need a shit load of segways right now
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
