She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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