honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
