Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Randomize
