party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
barbara walters just said penis...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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