I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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