I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
