I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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