I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
