Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize