are you so shy because you have an std?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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