i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
