farters have to be the big spoon...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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