I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
