I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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