Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
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He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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