Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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