I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
