i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
