so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
