i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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