Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
