did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
